There are over 100 notes on my iPhone and as I was browsing through them yesterday, I stumbled upon this particular note entitled “Thoughts triggered by uncomfortable train seats”. I wrote this during my holiday in Scotland while aboard the train heading to Inverness. Honestly, I was a bit hesitant at first to publish it here for people to read (if anyone is even reading this blog) because this note contains incomplete writings that don’t make a lot of sense. However, I realized that posting this note online is a good way to document how my thoughts explode inside my head like a beautiful mess of thread when I’m alone. Again, there is absolutely no logic to most of these writings and they are completely random thoughts so please don’t try to ask me why or how I ended up writing about these things.
The greatest learning from my mother: Be a peace maker. When someone comes in front of you and belittle you, fight back with kindness. It is always the hardest thing to do but do it anyway. It will make you angry and it will bring tears to your eyes but always remember that there is no other thing more tranquil to the soul than learning to let go of the things that hurt. You will realize how capable of good you are when you try to settle your own war. Always respond with love. If an old colleague comments on your Facebook picture and puts you to shame, reply appropriately and think of how you can uplift both sides without disgracing the other. Appreciate people’s work. There are people who will always be better than you, who will have more ideas and more wisdom. Dragging people down while talking so highly of yourself does not make you a better human being. Accept and Acknowledge.
If a waiter accidentally spills water on your dress, do not shout at him. Do not tell him how expensive your dress is – that you bought it in Milan or in Paris. Be a human being! Don’t make a designer dress dictate your attitude towards others. We all make mistakes at work. I’m sure that you, reading this, have made a lot of errors. It’s a normal thing to be imperfect.
Where are you now? Remember those days when you’d always cry after work but still try to muster enough strength and courage to brave freaking Makati traffic? I bet you’re happy you got out of it! I know it’s been one of the most difficult stages of your career but I hope you are ultimately thankful for all the hardships you’ve been through. Let me tell you one thing: You are capable of achieving wonders. I know you will get tired, you will get sick, you will abhor what you’re doing and you might even run away from life but, sweetheart, there is no turning back. Move forward. If you don’t like where you are, find a way to get out of it.
At this moment, on this train, I feel like my life is being filmed. Not that there is anything special in my life to begin with but, i don’t know, it just feels like I am surrounded by cameras. I am looking through the window and seeing the green field of the Scottish highlands reminds me of how far I’ve come in life. But then again, I’m still ordinary. I’m no superstar. Reality is a bitch. It knocks on my bedroom door and gives me the worst mornings of my life. Nothing is easy. London didn’t make things easier.
I’m craving for life changing interactions. Where are the heart stirring activities that make us feel human? I think work just keeps on knocking me out. Why do we look for so many things in life anyway? Why is it so complicated? Why is it that I always feel like I am a pendulum gradually grinding into a halt and then suddenly feeling out of sync?
I don’t want to become stagnant and remain stupefied by what other people think of me or by people’s judgments. I know that I have so much capability to change the world and I’ll never let people pull me down. I won’t allow other people to control my way of life. People will always oppose your actions and tell you that some things are just not possible. Yes, people will always criticize you and some people will not even care but that shouldn’t stop you from doing things you want to do.
We might be suffering, hurting and losing but we are never boring.
I am constantly daydreaming about the life I am not living, places I am not visiting and people I am not meeting.
I think the more I become aware of my thoughts, the more I come into a deeper understanding of how I am as a person. Sometimes, It scares me when the workings of my mind go completely flat.
How come we don’t have trains that travel far distances like this in the Philippines? My God, bless my country.
I waaaaaant coffee. I have no table. I am jealous of the woman who is on the other side of the train. She is currently typing on her macbook and she has coffee. What a lucky woman! Her ticket has given her a good seat on the train. Look at that, a wide table all for herself. The rest of the seats around the table are empty. Maybe I should transfer? She seems very busy though. She has neglected her coffee that has now turned muddy looking and, probably, cold.
The train just stopped and I am in Dundee. My Brother’s second name is Dundee and I just sent him a picture of the big signage that says “Welcome to Dundee”. I miss him.